Monday, 13 May 2013

Getting wood.

I like coffee. In fact I love coffee. But it has to be served in a certain way. It has to be strong, relatively sweet and the temperature of lava that has just been ejaculated from the bowels of the Earth. At home this is easy to achieve, just boil the kettle, put the pod in the Tassimo (other coffee makers are available), microwave some milk and Roberts your mothers brother. Hot coffee. When i am out and about, i do go out and about every now and then, ok, I go out a lot, hot coffee is hard to come by. I think that health and safety, and the threat of being sued by some moron who wouldn’t understand the meaning of the steam being emitted from the mug meant ‘be careful’, has meant that coffee temperatures are tepid at the most.

coffee 1

I have found that I can ask for it to be served extra hot, which i do to some strange looks. I wonder sometimes if I will be asked to sign a disclaimer.

But the worst thing by far is the little wooden stick that you are expected to stir it with. If you take sugar or, in my case, sweeteners you need to get a bit of rotary motion in the fluid to enable the sweetness to mix properly. With a teaspoon, even a plastic one, with a vigorous flick of the wrist you can give the brown nectar a uniform sweetness right down to the dregs in the bottom. But with that ridiculous wooden stick you can’t get a decent swirl. In fact, with a latte the sugar, or sweeteners, sometimes stay in the froth at the top.

coffee 2

So, the solution, Mr Nero Costabucks, is a spoon. Mr Wetherspoon sometimes gets it right but even they are slowly moving to the wooden stick. Take a stand Wetherspoons. Be like Wimpy. Remember them? In a Wimpy you were served your burger on a china plate, and had a knife and fork. I know that they are mostly consigned to history, a bit like the dinosaurs, but a few still exist.



Giant68 Smile


  1. sorry for the tech shit mate, when coffee comes out of a vending machine it has to a temperature as not to cause injury,costa and the rest heat milk to 140 as that is what they are told is the correct temp for maximum smoothness and frothing,as for the sticks, wooden sticks are better for the enviroment,DONT YOU DARE ASK FOR METAL SPOON SIR.....

  2. information from an insider whoose had more complaints about the coffee from her costa machine than than spent cups found on a mile of hard shoulder