Sunday, 20 November 2011
I have invented invisibility.
I buggered if I know how I have done it but I have. It seems that while I have been driving my car around I have inadvertently left the invisibility device that I have invented turned on.
I also have a personal device secreted about my person for when I am walking around the streets, or in the supermarket.
I must have left them turned on as people seem to have an inability to see me, whether I am walking or in the car.
I AM 6’8” tall. I weigh 18½ stone. But at times I am invisible.
The only problem is that I haven’t invented the off switch for it yet. And because the device is invisible I can’t find it to take the batteries out of it. My only hope is that I didn’t connect the the solar panel that recharges it or I may never become visible again! I will always have other cars trying to be in the bit of road that I occupy. I will always have people walking into me in the street.
Still, on the plus side I can spend my life hiding in the ladies changing rooms and generally being a pervert without fear of getting caught.
Obviously the above frame is empty to you, the reader, and I am wasting my time putting it there.
I am never going to be thin. That is a fact. Me and food have this understanding, It looks good (actually sometimes it doesn’t) it smells good and it tastes good so, therefore, I will eat it. There are some people who use food just as a mechanism to stay alive. There are some who use their food to make them look good, or intelligent, or just plain pretentious.
I know someone who will make scrambled eggs with the whites of ½ dozen eggs and only 1 yolk because he has been led to believe that it is good for him and will help build muscle mass. he also rinses all the tomato sauce from baked beans. To me this is a waste of good food, he may as well have a meringue and some haricot beans, whether it will help with the aim of looking a bit more macho I don’t know. Nor do I care.
There are people who will cook the most fantastic sounding meals that turn out to be half a portion of something expensive but has no taste. When did sauce start being called a jus?
Now Mrs Giant 68 thinks that I am a little weird in my choice of food and the time of day that I will eat it. Just the other day I woke a little late and didn’t have time for my usual toast and coffee before I left for work. By 9am I was starving. There is a sandwich van that does the rounds where I work just after 9am so I bought a kebab with extra hot chilli sauce. I have had numerous comments about kebab in the morning, and sober, but it was bloody lovely. Mrs Giant68 is a firm believer in breakfast foods at breakfast time. Cereal, bacon, eggs etc. Not on the same plate, obviously, but the idea of cold meat and cheese is very odd for her. But on the continent it is the norm. Personally I can eat anything at anytime of day. Maybe because I have spent most of my working life as a shift worker working earlies, lates, nights. I have come home from work in the morning and had a beer in the summer or a whisky mac in the winter. My next door neighbour would see me sat in the garden at 6:30am on a summer day and accuse me of being an alcoholic. (OK, so he may not be entirely wrong…) And food is the same. I could eat a pie and mash or a full English, it matters not what time of day it is.
Lets not be precious about our food. Lets just eat good, tasty, healthy food with no sign of a jus or a couli anywhere. Lets have gravy and custard. Good old tomato ketchup and brown sauce. Whenever you want to eat it. Today I spent Sunday lunchtime sat in a curry house (The Jewel of India, in Southampton. If you ever down this way please try it, the food and service are excellent.) eating curry and drinking beer. Mrs Giant68 was with me as were our daughter and son-in-law and the granddaughter. No Sunday roast. No roast spuds or brussel sprouts. I know some of you will be happy with the no brussel sprout bit but I love ‘em.
Even the much maligned Big Mac tastes good at times, don’t deny it. I would eat one. With fries. And maybe some onion rings and…
PS I make no apologies for the shameless advertising of my mates curry house. Other curry houses are available, but not as good. (In my opinion)