Saturday, 16 April 2011

Let’s take the kids!

Following on from the last blog I would like to ask a question of parents everywhere. What makes you think that you should take your young children somewhere where they will be bored to tears? Literally.



We walked round various parts of Dorset and some of these places were calm, peaceful, and places where I could relax and be at one with nature. But there were some places where parents had thought: “Darling? Lets take little Johnny ( or whatever implausible name they had decided upon 4 years ago after a sniff of the Chardonnay) and go to the Museum of Boring Life. He will love it”

Kids want two things. They want to be fed sweets and they want to be entertained. If they can’t get at least one of these then they are going to be trouble.


We sat in a Tea Shoppe ( yes, I know that Shoppe is terribly twee but tough, it fits!) and we tried to have a quiet cream tea, well Mrs Giant68 was, anyway, i was trying not to think about the pint that I could have had in the pub over the road. Anyway, there were a couple of families in the Tea Shoppe garden waiting for their pots of tea and the scones. They had their children with them. They were neither entertained or being fed sweets. They were a pain in the posterior!


For God’s sake! take them to McDonalds and feed them E numbers in a bun and wash it all down with a paper cup the same size as them full of liquid sugar. Let them play in the ball pit or just smear their ketchup covered hands on the tables and chairs. They will be happy, they will laugh. But take them to a stately home to see the artwork or the Capability Brown inspired gardens and they will be bored out of their tiny minds. Why do you do it? Surely you can’t be doing it for the kids? You must realise that they don’t want to go? Or are you trying my patience? Waiting to see how long it will be before I snap and beat you to death with their pushchair?

At least once they reach puberty they will just sulk. At least they will be quiet. But any child below the age of consent really should be left at home if you are not going to take them to the beach, swimming pool, cinema, etc.

Yes, I am a parent. And a grandparent.



Giant68 x

Two Go Mad in Dorset…

Mrs Giant68 and myself have been away for a few days. This is the first time that we have gone away from the stresses and strains of everyday life since we went to Spain last August and we needed to get away. We didn’t go too far, only to Swanage in Dorset which is only about 40 miles from home as the crow flies.Incidentally, who decided that it should be measured as the crow flies? And why should that mean a straight line? have you ever watched a crow fly? Like any other bird that I have seen they don’t necessarily fly in a straight line, they are easily distracted by shiny things and go off at a tangent a bit like a woman shopping.

No camping this time, though, as it is a bit early in the year and a bit too chilly at night. We stayed in a B & B, and rather nice it was too. ( If you want to try it it is Firswood, just round the corner from the train station.) Nice clean room and a decent brekkie, what more could we want?

We got there after lunch and herself decided that we could go for a walk. After what felt like 100 miles, all uphill, we had reached a point on the Purbeck coast that, I’m sure, only the dinosaurs had seen. For some unknown reason someone had planted a large stone globe on the edge of the cliff. All countries of the Earth marked upon its surface and stone slabs in the cliff around it. The stone slabs were marked with various poetical and scientific writings and while it was  very random thing to see it was was thought provoking.


Pint and a curry later in the evening and we went to bed knackered. Didn’t last long though, at home we have a king-size bed. My nickname should explain why. I am a little on the large side and a normal double bed is a little small. I found that Mrs Giant68 kept pushing me out, I guess she is more used to a large bed than I am!

So bleary eyed we both appeared for breakfast in the morning. Like a fool i agreed to a walk from Swanage to Corfe. Now i didn’t think that England was that big. I am sure that the walk from Swanage to Corfe was, at least, 300 miles and all uphill. We found the entry to the path under an arch of human bones and a sign that said “Abandon Hope All Ye That Enter Here”


We reached a point that was so high I could reach out and touch the Moon! Bodies of previous walkers lined the path, obviously not as hardy as us. There was a point where I thought that I would have to gnaw my own arm off as i was so hungry. And then Corfe Castle appeared out of the mist and we were saved!  A pint at the local hostelry? No. Herself wanted a bloody cream tea! So we sat in a Tea Shop and i had a coffee, all the while dreaming of gnawing her arm off!!


Fortunately we caught the steam train home. Corfe exists in a time warp.  It is forever 1932 and Will Hay runs the railway with the help of Richard Wattis (Look the pair of them up on Wikipedia, or if you are old enough you will know who I mean.) There is always ginger beer and sandwiches and the sun always shines, except when I was there!


We are home now and I am recovering with a glass of Cabernet Sauvignon.



Giant68 x