Being a professional salad dodger of many years standing I find it suddenly hard to reconcile the fact that I suddenly fancy a plate loaded with green stuff. Where did this weird craving suddenly come from? It can’t be the sun suddenly beating down on the south of England, surely, as the sun has shone before and I have never felt like eating rabbit food. Usually when the sun starts shining I start buying burgers and sausages and charring them on the bbq. Maybe it is a sign that I am turning into my dad, who would, quite happily munch away on a stalk of celery. In fact I have some celery sitting in the bottom of the fridge, much to Mrs Giant68s dismay as she hates the stuff. If this is the case will I also turn into a grumpy old man? "Too late" says Mrs Giant68!
Maybe it is my body just telling me that I need to start looking after it. After all these years of excess, smoking, drinking, burning the candle at both ends… So, I’ll have to get the exercise bike out of the attic, give in to the delights of a herbivores diet and start to look pale and pasty.
I’m starting to come out in a cold sweat just thinking about it, I think I’ll go and have a cigarette!